A message from diabetes

Dear Renza

Hi! It’s me; diabetes. I thought I’d write to you because you have been ignoring me a little lately and, well, I get hurt when that happens. And then you get hurt and then you hate me and blame me. Anyway, I know you love words, so thought that I’d write to you.

I get the impression that sometimes you don’t love the fact that we live so closely together and that you’d like a break from me. Well, let me tell you – you’re no picnic either!  It really would be easier if you just spent all your time and effort concentrating on making me happy. Really, all I need is constant attention, an understanding that I do what I want, when I want and instant responses every single time I call out to you.

Also, if you could minimise your stress levels, that would be great! Last week, the nervous tension you experienced just before presenting at that conference? A walk in the freakin’ park for you compared with how I was feeling with all that adrenalin pumping. And you didn’t even think to see how I was. A little finger prick would have shown you that I wasn’t coping too well and I needed a little squirt of that liquid stuff that calms me down.

And that “I’ll deal with you in a minute” thing isn’t great either – especially when you then curse me because that mild hypo has blown out into an all out sweaty, shaking, catastrophe.

Is there a reason that you are so anti me?

Are you still angry at that thing I did to your beta cells? Come on!  It was over thirteen years ago. Build a bridge and get over it! Or is it the fact that because of me it took you a lot longer to be able to have a baby? And then when you did get pregnant, I was pretty much all you could think about because you were sure I was going to harm your baby in some way? Well, it all turned out OK, didn’t it?

Or is it because you blame me for only having one child? I’ve heard you say that it’s the reason that you only had one baby – because of my demands during your pregnancy: having to check your blood sugar twenty times a day and then act accordingly and seeing health professionals every couple of weeks and having blood drawn fortnightly and getting anxious at every scan and worrying about delivering a big baby and stressing about the actual delivery and then the ongoing, never ending fear that you’ve passed a little bit of me onto your children. Is that the reason?

Oh – hang on…is it the anxiety that I cause when it comes to complications screenings each year? I know you don’t like the eye doctor (he’s pretty cute though, isn’t he?), and I guess that peeing into a jar isn’t fun.

Wait – I know!  It’s worrying that I am going to pop up when you are in an important meeting or out with friends or family and everyone is going to think that you can’t be relied upon because I might make an appearance.

Or is that thing of which we’re not supposed to speak? You know… the way you fret that I will end your life sooner than it should be ended. Or, at least, I will take over so much of your life and your ability to live the way you want.

Maybe you need to stop underestimating the impact that I actually do have on certain things in your life. You know – when you tell people that I don’t stop you from doing anything, when the truth of the matter is that I do affect things.

Anyway – I get that there are some things about me you don’t like, but the truth of the matter is that we need to work together.  Here’s what I propose. You keep up your end of the bargain. You:

• Check your blood sugar at least 10 times a day – including at 2am (I like to do funny things then)
• Take your insulin – the right amount at the right time all the time
• Consider each and every mouthful you eat and perfectly count the carbohydrate content in the food
• Exercise – the right amount and check your blood sugar before, during and after
• Stress less – actually, not at all, if you can manage it
• Lie awake and think about me
• See your health professionals regularly to make sure that you are up to date on all the latest info about me
• Never run out of my supplies. I have lots, but make sure you don’t forget the strips, lancets, alcohol wipes, insulin, pump consumables, syringes (in case the pump decides to go on strike), prescriptions for insulin, hypo food,
• Develop a thicker skin so you don’t scream on the inside every time someone asks ‘should you be eating that?’

And to keep up my end of the bargain,

• I’ll drive you nuts by not doing what you expect.

Do we have a deal?

That’s all for now! I think I need to take a nose dive. You’ve been walking all over the place today without thinking too much about me. I’m feeling pretty low, really. I think it’s time you did too.

Yours in highs and lows,

Type 1 Diabetes

Renza Scibilia is the Manager of Type 1 Diabetes and Community Programs at DA–Vic. She has lived with type 1 diabetes since 1998. The opinions and thoughts expressed in her occasional blogs are her own.