Trust

If a stranger asked me what it was to live with Type 1 Diabetes I really wouldn’t know where to begin. For me, I have always viewed my diabetes as a terrible 2 year old that I have to take with me wherever I go. To the shops, to the park, to work, and even on romantic dates. I know, how awkward! Some days my diabetes decides to follow me around without even a squeak but there is the odd occasion where it just kicks and screams and won’t shut up. “I’m having a hypo…feed me!”, or “How dare you feed me that, I’ll be high in 2 hours” and the classic, “You’re doing what now?” said with a frown of disgust. As any person with type 1 knows, we do our best to maintain this ongoing condition as best we can, however the vigilance of looking after this ‘constant 2 year old child’ is never ending. Some days you just want to hold it gently by the hands, show it a tender smile, reaffirm it by saying it will all be OK, then swing it around and throw it into outer-space. Well, that’s how I feel anyway.

This brings me to the topic of trust. I know that my diabetes can be annoying and at times it can be hard, but in the end it’s a condition that makes up a huge part of my life. When all is said and done it’s something I look after, often independently.  What scares me the most is relinquishing my control of this terrible 2 year old to someone who has no understanding of its intricacies.  There is no day care facility where I can drop the child off, and even if there was, would I trust a stranger with my condition?

Renza’s recent post – titled The Changing Face of Diabetes – touched on hypos while in public, the problems that arise and the fears that come from living with diabetes. I have been in the heart of the CBD experiencing a major episode of hypoglycaemia and apart from knowing I needed sugar, I also worried that if I did fall over, who would help me? Who would stop and care for my crying ‘child’ when I am not conscious to say, “Dont mind them, they’re only crying because I’m having a hypo”. The thought of this alone brings up a fear that I’m losing control.

For over ten years, I viewed diabetes as a very lonely illness. It was mine and mine alone. In recent years  I’ve come to realise that even though I deal with most of the condition independently, I still need others to help me get through the day to day grind; To provide a temporal day care, not for my physical health but for my mental health. It is through talking to others about the condition – both those with diabetes and those without – that the voice of the ‘child’ subsides and I regain a level of normality. Without the support of others I would be walking a very lonely and hard path.

Some days I may want to scream back at this ‘child’ and throw it into outer space but in the end it’s my child and I accept it for all its problems and quirks. There are many people with type 1 other than myself and their management of their condition will differ from my own. No two are the same.

Paul Hanslow is the Youth Transitions Project Officer at DA-Vic. He has lived with diabetes since 1993. Opinions and thoughts expressed in his blog are his own. If you would like to contact him in regard to his blog post or transitioning please do so at PHanslow@diabetesvic.org.au